Is God good?

I would tell you emphatically that He most definitely is. I’ve experienced it so many times in my life that I’m writing a book to tell of all the good things He’s done.

So, how do I reconcile the idea of His goodness with the crushing blows I watch my son continue to receive?

My brother and my son share the same birthday. Because of the miles that separate us, they’ve only gotten together to celebrate on one occasion. That was 1998.

Several years ago, we decide it was time to do it again for his 19^th birthday. We were making a nice big vacation out of it, taking along Heather (one of my bonus daughters), her husband, and our grandson who happened to LOVE trains. We were going to ride the Amtrak out and spend a fun week of birthday celebration with family.

Our plans were thwarted with the surprise news of a new grandbaby on the way for Heather and Max, which would unfortunately make train travel in August more than a little uncomfortable.

No worries. We simply moved the trip up a few months to May.

Along came another surprise. God opened the door for Josh to start a new job. He would essentially be starting at about the same time we were scheduled to leave and did not feel it would be appropriate to ask for a week off immediately after being hired. Thus, he stayed home while the rest of us boarded the Amtrak. In fact, he drove us to the depot. We consoled him with the news we would take the trip again, maybe for his next birthday.

Then came Covid.

There would be no birthday trips for a while. No vacations at all.

This year we finally decided to make that birthday trip happen. Just Rick and I with Josh this time. Minus the Amtrak.

We have been planning and preparing for the past month, looking forward to time spent with my brother, as well as a much-needed rest from jobs for both me and Josh.

I truly prayed God would keep Josh healthy for the trip as we saw the community in which he worked become ravaged with the newest strain of Covid. But God said no. Josh came down sick three days before our scheduled departure date, testing positive for Covid the day before.

I confess, I struggled with discouragement and frustration with God on a level I haven’t felt in a long time. Why, God? Why would you allow this to happen when Josh constantly struggles to hope for good things? When he feels like the worst-case scenario is the best he can expect?

I shed a few tears and prayed. “I am hurting and frustrated, and I don’t understand, but I will still praise You. I will still love You. And I still believe that You are good.”

I had to remind myself these truths many times over the past few days. Because the enemy continues to whisper in my ear that a good God would not have allowed this.

I had more than one person tell me that God was protecting us from something ahead. Maybe a car accident that was going to take place. That was no comfort to me. All that made me wonder was why couldn’t He have just done something to prevent the accident? Isn’t He powerful enough to prevent the accident another way?

This morning during prayer and Bible study, my answer came.

Tactics.

1 Peter 5:8 tells me, “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary, the devil, walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.”

Like a lion. Prowling around. Seeking.

If you research how a lioness hunts her prey, particularly the larger targets, they sometimes seek out the oldest or youngest, the sick or the injured – essentially anyone in a weakened state.  The easiest target is the most vulnerable one.

When thinking about what tactic my enemy might use on me, I realized that he wouldn’t attack me personally. That rarely works for me. I am most vulnerable when it comes to my loved ones. Attack my son, I turn into a mama bear. Watch out!

But still, why are my prayers suddenly so ineffective? Powerless, if you will?

Once again, I am brought back to God’s word.

Job.

He was attacked mercilessly, first through the deaths of all his children in one day. And what was Job doing right before they were killed? Sacrificing and praying for them. And why was Job attacked? Simply to bring glory to God. By showing others that no matter what attack came, Job would remain faithful to God.

Recognizing this has finally stirred me out of my malaise and removed any lingering frustration with God for allowing it.  If He wants to use this to bring glory to Him, then I’m all in.

Instead of lamenting the loss of my vacation, I’m looking at the week ahead as my opportunity to throw myself ruthlessly into working on my revision. After all, I’m still off work. I just won’t be going anywhere.

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